Pages

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Most Ridiculous Irish Villains

Happy St. Patrick's Day! We all know that Hollywood has long loved to use specific ethnic groups as villains, but during the '90s and '00s the industry featured Irish villains in some of their worst movies. To anyone of Irish ancestry (and, yes, I am so don't let the last name throw you), the following Irish bad guys are so over-the-top they'll make you wail like a banshee. Here they are, in no particular order:


M. Bison in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Neal McDonough might have fared better as M. Bison had he not used such a ridiculously bad Irish accent (because, you know, Bison is a quintessential Irish surname). What makes this choice all the more laughable is the fact that we see Bison, the orphaned son of Irish missionaries, as a BABY in the cradle of an orphanage in Bangkok. So, despite having spent his entire life in the slums of Thailand, he still somehow sounds like Bono. This Bison is not the jet-booted dictator of the games, but rather the Southeast Asian underworld's Donald Trump who is out to acquire real estate in Bangkok. The stakes couldn't have been grander than that?!


Patty O'Brien in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

"They're always after me lucky charms! Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? They are after me lucky charms!" Patty was Dr. Evil's Irish henchman in the first Austin Powers movie. His calling card was to leave a charm from his bracelet by the corpses of his victims. Patty met an ignoble end while trying to kill Austin on a toilet, ending up headfirst in the bowl. He sure found out who Number Two worked for.


Satan in End of Days

Sure, he's the devil and he's from hell not Ireland, but Gabriel Byrne uses his native accent in playing the role. From kissing a woman in a restaurant to his final battle, Byrne is wildly over-the-top in this famously awful "Satan comes to Earth" movie. Ironically, Byrne's Irish devil also happens to be one of the few reasons the film's even watchable.


Bullseye in Daredevil

In one of the few American movies where he uses his native accent, Irishman Colin Farrell seems liberated as he hams it up as the flawless assassin sent to kill Daredevil. Introduced in a pub to the strains of House of Pain's "Top O' the Morning To Ya," Farrell's Irish baddie is bald with a bulls-eye scar on his forehead and dresses like a rock star. He can kill in countless inventive ways, even while standing on a motorcycle, and is not above killing an old lady. But at least he blessed himself while he was in church, like a good Irish lad.


Ryan Gaerity in Blown Away

A terrorist so radical that even the IRA turned their backs on him, Gaerity (played by Tommy Lee Jones, trying like hell to stifle his Texas drawl) escapes from prison and comes to Boston to get revenge on bomb squad cop Jimmy Dove (Jeff Bridges), who we learn has a dark past that's tied to Gaerity. Just in case we didn't know Gaerity was an Irish zealot, he begins to sing the classic Irish rebel song "A Nation Once Again" while holding a bomb detonator.


Sean Miller in Patriot Games

To his credit, Sean Bean plays a fine bastard, but this villain is a one-note, stereotypical heavy. His mantra is basically, "You dirty rat. You killed my brother." What's particularly grating is that, although Miller and his cohorts are part of an IRA splinter group, the film never bothers to give any political context for their actions. This was one of two Irish terrorism-themed thrillers that Harrison Ford made in the '90s, with the later The Devil's Own at least trying to address the political factors that Patriot Games avoided.


Miles Jackson in 12 Rounds

Irish terrorist-robber Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) swears revenge against Officer Danny Fisher's (John Cena) after the cop's pursuit causes Aidan's capture and the loss of his lover. Quicker than you can say Blown Away, Fisher finds himself caught in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse. Even though he's a Dubliner, Gillen does the least convincing Irish accent since Richard Gere in The Jackal. Unlike Tommy Lee Jones in Blown Away or Sean Bean in Patriot Games, Miles is never particularly scary; with his messy hair, wispy beard and rumpled Urban Outfitters style, he seems more like a coffeehouse folk singer than a criminal genius.


Leprechaun

"Try as they will, and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night." As played by diminutive Star Wars, Willow and Harry Potter actor Warwick Davis, this evil, violent leprechaun first struck cinemas in the eponymous 1993 film, where he escaped after being sealed away by an Irishman who had stolen some of his gold. The scenery must have been magically delicious since Davis sure chewed a lot of it. Five sequels followed, including Leprechaun 4: In Space and :Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood.


Source : ign[dot]com

No comments:

Post a Comment