DIAGRAMS!
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.
Seriously though, Daniel Bryan's insistence on diagrams was wonderful.
And Kane's conundrum about how to bring his two worlds together was equally amazing. Look at him freak about at the prospect of introducing his ultra-cool brother who rarely ever visits to his new dweeby friend. He's all like "Don't ruin this for me. Undertaker doesn't even have a phone. Don't make him think we're lame!"
Oh, and by the way, Daniel Bryan's excellent Shield-battling strategy, so eloquently displayed in diagram form, was totally used at the beginning of the match!
All hail the diagram! Acute wrestling knowledge and attack plans haven't been used or presented like this since Alexandra York's super-computer. Guys, the key to beating The Shield are IN THOSE PRECIOUS PAGES! Their loss all falls on Kane's "too cool for school" shoulders. He was simply too proud to look at Bryan's hard work, forever afraid to look weak in front of the sibling who was so awesome that he burned their parents alive.
So. RAW last night. Pretty good for the most part. Crowd was hot, despite the fact that the first hour of the show was filled with novelty acts like R-Truth and Tons of Funk. And, as shameful as it seems, Cesaro's now a novelty act what, with his yodeling and all. Now is his gimmick supposed to be that he's a terrific yodeler or a terrible yodeler? I know not from yodeling. I wouldn't be able to tell you if what I'm hearing is amazing or nauseating. I do like that JBL was able to pull the name of a yodeling Grand Champion out of his giant hat. Because apparently they rate and rank yodelers. Sounds like winning a gold medal for ass wiping.
Anyhow, the main reason that crowd was so hot was The Undertaker. Not just Undertaker making an appearance (even though his entrance alone is worth the price of admission), but Undertaker in an honest-to-goodness post-'Mania match! In fact, a lot of folks tweeted at me that more than a few people, including kids, left the show after the Taker match. Now that's drawing power. And the fact that the crowd was fairly blasé for the end segment, despite it having Mick Foley and a Shield run-in (no Foley vs. Ambrose though), means that they put the wrong segment on last. Either that or The Shield should just hold the WWE Championship. All three of them. Co-co-holders. I know, it would never go down like that, but imagine. They'd take on three guys at a time, right. And whoever pinned The Shield, giving them their first loss, would win the WWE title! I like it. This is now real in my mind. It's growing roots. I'm gonna nurture the s*** out of this fantasy booking.
Just think about how much more awesome they'd look arriving in a helicopter if they had the title? Then, pretty soon, it would be like one of those Zero Dark Thirty stealth copters that the makers of the movie had to reverse engineer from the metal fragments found in Abbottabad. Soon, they'll just slide in on a beam made of pure dark energy and whip out their d***s.
Alas, even Taker's presence wasn't enough to topple The Shield. They won by pinning Daniel Bryan, naturally, and then went on to be a part of the final segment between Ryback and Cena. I mean, "The Ryback" and "Super Cena" as they now call each other. So their match is set for Extreme Rules. But it's in no way xTREEEEMEEzzz. What happened to each match on the PPV having some dangerous stip? Did that die a long time ago and I just never noticed? We've got a cage match with Triple H and Lesnar, but that's it. And no, a Triple Threat match doesn't count as being extreme. Unless the loser has to be driven home by Rosa Mendes.
That was my poor attempt to jokingly reference the fact that Rose Mendes was sent home for "personal reasons" during the Euro tour. And by personal reasons I mean let the record show that the defendant made the "drinky drinky" motion.
Meanwhile, overseas, Big E. continues to entertain...
And even better is the fact that, based on last week's camera shot, they've decided to keep having him stand around awkwardly while Ziggler and AJ are making out. It's my new favorite thing. Well that and the mach Ziggler had with Jericho last night. And the fact that AJ became the number one contender for the Diva belt. I am sad that AJ has to be apart of a Mickie James-style angle where she has to call Kaitlyn a hippo and/or water buffalo. That's always the WWE working at their lowest.
Boop!
Jericho lost his match with Ziggler thanks to some well-timed ChaChaLaLa interference. I usually let these types of "run-ins" slide when it's an Undertaker gong, since he's supposed to have powers, but the music cue cheat has never made any sense whatsoever. Somehow, story-wise, we're supposed to believe that the person whose music is playing is responsible for it suddenly blasting through the arena PA system. How would this work? Let's go deeper. Say Fandango, earlier in the day, kidnapped the wife and daughter of the sound guy. And he's strapped bombs to their legs, forcing them to Fandango, non-stop, four hours. If they stop Fandangoing, they die. And Fandango will only disable the bombs if the sound guy plays ChaChaLaLa at a very specific point during the Ziggler/Jericho match. There. Solved. Thanks, my brain.
The UK Fandangos, news on The Rock's injury and more on page 2...
Source : ign[dot]com
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