As many still remain glued to coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings, I shall attempt to distract us, for a small moment, from this tragic terror s***storm with my usual weekly recap of wrestling nonsense. It is, in fact, the least I can do. If you're not in the mood this week, I totally understand. I'm rarely in the mood during weeks that aren't filled with mass human misery. But despite the litany of dumb pictures, gifs, ideas and theories you're about to endure, let it be known that my thoughts and prayers are with the victims of this senseless act of violence and cowardice.
Small book-keeping note: I appeared on 102.1 FM "The Game" last night as part of yourWrestlingshow, doing some post-RAW talk with the three sexy dudes over there. In fact, we spoke about a few of the things I'll cover here in the Wrap Up, including this wonderful video made by some wonderful person on the wonderful internet...
No sir, the world wide web doesn't get much better than that. Love, longing, psychotic screaming. It encapsulates so much.
Now, let's head over to last night's RAW, which was...fine. It was fine. We knew that there was no way it could possibly match up to the post-Mania IZOD RAW, but a small part of me hoped that there would be a few flashes of genius. There was another title change, with Kofi beating Cesaro for the U.S. Title, so certain notable things were still happening, but so much of the show had already been shown on Smackdown (which I had watched that very morning) that it was hard for me to get into the action. In fact, sans title change, Kofi had already battled Cesaro on Smackdown, Mark Henry had already attacked Sheamus, and Orton and Sheamus had already faced Big Show in a handicap match. By the way, did you know that "people are calling Sheamus and Orton 'Team Whitesnake?'" And by people, we mean no one who exists in this life or the next. Can't wait for Taker, Kane and Bryan for be called Team Dead Red Goat. I also can't wait for that match next week in England. That last part there wasn't sarcasm. But that last part there was.
So...Fandango. The man who took the IZOD crowd (ironically) by storm. And yes, it was an ironic love. Which is fine. Affection is affection. And it didn't stop at the arena. The "Fandangoing," as it was dubbed, continued on and on into the night. It made it into articles and onto silly news programs and the Fandango theme (which is magnificently called "ChaChaLaLa" by the way!) made it as high as #11 on the U.K. charts, even cracking the Billboard something or other here in the States. So it was a thing. It was a happening. A fan-generated sensation. The sort of "People Power" that would have made Big Johnny proud. Hell, it even brought WWE Maestro Jim Johnston out of hiding!
And, as we saw in the RAW main event last week, people were already trying to use it to get over - like when Cena did that little dancy side-step on Mark Henry. Well, people Harlem Shook the hell out of this...
And now it's over. The Man ruined it. I'm not saying the entire movement died in South Carolina last night, but the WWE, seeing all the media attention they were randomly getting, decided to lock the entire thing in a choke hold and called it out as a "THING YOU SHOULD BE DOING BECAUSE IT'S FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!" And now it's tarnished. I could tell from Smackdown (where Fandango got to close the entire show!) that the crowds weren't going to be as into making lovable fools of themselves as last Monday, but when everyone in the crowd starts dancing because the WWE cues them up to do so, it's an ugly sight. Now I don't know what kind of WWE fans there are in South Carolina. Or even what kind of people they are. I am painfully unfamiliar. But when they shook their respective South Carolinian booties it looked like they had guns pointed at their heads off camera. Like someone pissed in their grits. Or Ric Flair. It's all Flair Country down there, right? Like someone pissed on Ric Flair.
Weekly award for "Most Intimidating?" Not Brock or Ryback. Trudy.
So the WWE was hoping, based on a whirlwind week of "Fandangoing," that it would be enough to anchor an entire segment. One where Fandango didn't even wrestle, just cut a promo. And leading up to it, Lawler asked, twice, "is the crowd here in South Carolina going to start 'Fandangoing?'" There was just no way this was going to succeed. Your mom can't like Slayer. And once TV hosts and news anchors start doing or singing "what the kids are doing," things fall apart. Like that book I had to read in high school, "Things Fall Apart." About the effects of British Colonialism in Nigeria.
So, from here on out, "Fandangoing" can only diminish, by an appropriate percentage, with each week that passes. It was a fun seven days, but now it's time to move on to the next seven-day craze. Maybe we can all rally behind "Slatering"...
Hopefully, males ages 18-49 will start painfully planting themselves over guardrails. Or as I call it, "Skateboarding."
SLATEBOARDING! I did it! Just thought of that. I win writing.
Yes, Brock came out and destroyed 3MB last night. And then...a freakin' third Triple H/Brock Lesnar match was set for Extreme Rules.
Heyman got on the mic and said something akin to "We need a match that will peel flesh from bone!" plus a bunch of stuff about brutality, violence and unadulterated pain. "It's time to get barbaric!" he said. Like, Earth's crust opening up and swallowing all of humanity into a fiery hell. Yadda yadda. You know - THE BIG BLUE CAGE!
I'm not saying that it can't be a good match, but the cage (which isn't blue anymore, I know) isn't anyone's idea of brutality. And each time Heyman comes up with these sinister match stips, I always think the next words out of his mouth will be HELL IN A CELL! And they never are. But even the HIAC itself isn't as brutal and bloody as it once was. Still, we've been promised the removal of skin!
Bottom line here is that I don't think anyone really wants this cage match. Plus, Thumbkin can barely move his swollen arm right now.
Head over to page 2 for Rock news, Ryback, Ziggler and more...
Source : ign[dot]com
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